shit.

I JUST MADE A PRETTY LONG POST AND IT

FUCKING DISAPPEARED. I AM SO PISSED OFF!

why do i even put up with some people?!

grrr!

new post.

how creative can my title get? :P

this blog won't be updated as much anymore...for my more serious posts go here:

http://diwataako.multiply.com/journal

i will update this when i feel like it. i guess now's a good time. haha.

unfortunately 03/19/06 has ended almost a month ago..due to some communication problems? and lack of effort and enthusiasm on both parts.

but right now i'm really really happy with how things are going. :D steady. although, as usual, my mood swings get in the way. do forgive me. ^^;

so that's it for now.. ehehe..another worthless post. but what the heck? it's my blog anyway :p

rants.rants.rants. what's new?

happy father's day to everyone. i, on the other hand, didn't quite enjoy father's day. imagine me greeting my dad and then him suddenly saying stuff like

"ayoko na sayo. ang tigas na ng ulo mo. sarili mo nalang lagi mong iniicp."

kamusta naman? salamat sa greeting anak. so much for waking up late. :

napaisip ako kung ano ba tlga purpose ko sa mundong ito. i feel out of place everywhere i go. ano to, identity crisis? hahaha. well not exactly. ewan ko lang. d ko alam kung san ako nababagay. naguguluhan nko. rawr.

bgla naring pumasok sa isip ko na bakit hindi ako tulad ng karamihang babae na marunong magluto... at marunong sumayaw... at magaling manamit... the same old yadda yadda. never ako natuto sumayaw. naalala ko pa nung preschool may hawaiian dance kami nung graduation. goodness. buti nalang naggraduate ako nun na may medal kung hindi tlgang napahiya nako ng tuluyan. di rin ako ung tipong marunong manahi (okay marunong pero hindi ko talaga trip magtahi!) at ewan ko na... di na ata ako makakapag asawa sa lagay na to.

worst case scenario: magkakaasawa ako tapos iiwanan ako dahil di ako marunong magluto o kaya naman magiging matandang dalaga ako. hahaha. kamusta naman. kung ganun lang din e mamatay nalang ako agad.

bakit ba ineexpect ng tao na dapat marunong ako magluto? kaya ko kung gugustuhin ko e..pero d ko interest un.. nagtataka din ako e bakit ang mga interests ko e parang walang kapupuntahang productive..at bakit parang panlalake ung mga interests ko.. feeling ko mali tlga eh..feeling ko XY dapat ung chromosomes ko tapos naalanganin bigla naging XX. o diba. naalala ko ung chicken theory nina ian. x_x baka nung buntis nanay ko eh kain cya ng kain ng chicken kaya ako naging XX imbis na XY. malay mo. hahaha.

so much for ranting. basta bahala na kayo. ganito ako e. wala nakong magagawa. and i'm not going to change for anybody but myself. so un. masaya ako sa kung ano ako. fine, d ako marunong magluto or sumayaw. di rin ako mahilig mag cross stich at kung ano man. i prefer playing video games and playing my guitars. bahala na kayo sa mga buhay niyo. ang kumontra sa interests ko pangit! hahahahaha!

walang kwentang post to! hahaha!

a new post..finally

wow..i was surprised to see that many people bothered to visit my page while i was away..and yes, i must say that it's really been a long time! well you know me..i don't post much when i'm happy :) (SO WHY AM I POSTING NOW?? hahahaha..)

as you may know i am already (officially, 03.19.06 hahahahahaha) taken :D so to hell with you saosin boy..hahahahahahahhaha

but despite that, and despite a long vacation, i'm currently having a bad time being back in school. i'm just not happy with how things are, especially when i can't be with my college barkada that often anymore. i'm going solo, and i find it pretty hard. i guess it would have been better if i started college alone, because i feel like i've been dependent on my barkada for the past three terms. so i'm learning to be independent--the hard way.

i find myself funny. hahaha. i have these enormous mood swings every now and then. i think i need professional help. XD

gaaah.

no classes today...so i slept all morning. until around 12, woke up, ate lunch, went online and slept again at around 2.30. woke up at 6:00. hibernation eh? now its 11:46 and i can't sleep. greaat.

i don't want to be like this. i'd rather have classes everyday. i tend to think about a lot of things that i don't want to think about. +_+ being alone sucks like..uh..unwashed socks. (?!)

oh the emoness of it all...

i want to watch memoirs of a geisha tomorrow with my girls. but nooo..my dad won't let me out coz' of the stupid "national state of emergency" stuff. i don't even know what's really going on, but boy, being at home like this sucks. i wanna get out of this place and do something productive.

sitting in front of the computer all day is not my ideal type of fun.

my life sucks. gaaaah. i'd rather be preoccupied with something. i'm feeling very weird today.

oversleeping isn't really good for me.

i won't get to see saosin boy for the whole weekend. tssss.

after a long while...

finally found the time to blog. pops' major concert is finally over and i can say that it was a success. :) well, not to mention an enjoyable (and stressful) experience, given the bloopers we had backstage and err..upstage on the catwalk. we were assigned to drop the balloons in the end part of the show. and boy, did we look stupid frantically emptying the balloon-filled plastic bags. it was one heck of an experience. can't wait till next year's major concert.. ;) there were these BIG FISHES (literally big!) in meralco theater that we were just fond of. haha. banana and mami kor made my weekend happier :) (and i'm sure mami kor was happier noh? :p)

these past few days i couldn't get my mind off saosin boy, not a single moment. i'd wish that he'd take a break from my mind but he just won't. i keep on seeing this flashback of that time when he looked, almost stared at me, that stupid moment when i couldn't almost move. but i moved, fortunately. thank you body for not giving up on me. crap. when will i finally get to know you? oh crap. look who's infatuated. +_+

i'm happy to say that i've handled stress quite well..i'm still alive thank goodness. but i got sick just last week.

feb 13: my throat burned coz of eating that hello white chocolate wafer bar and not drinking water afterwards : stupida camila!

feb 14: happy valentines day! hello colds, be my valentine. went to piyar's place and to their lola's valentines party. thanks piyar :D

feb 15: still sick...colds colds colds..endless supply of tissue for me!

feb 16: my nose wasn't as runny (i caught up with it..nyeh! :p) ..but i had cough. :

and i still have signs of having colds. coz u know, my voice is different (kinda ngo-ngo) and i can't sing well, not that i sing professionally, but i love to sing when i have nothing to do. so there. karma for all the times i have mocked people for the way they speak. haha. and karma for stealing that hello chocolate wafer from our booth.

i was kinda bitchy last week..sorry for all victimized people.

saosin boooy!!! hahaha. (freak..)

internet service provider?

i am so fickle. and this means that i always end up eating my words. when i feel that i'm already decided on a certain thing, it usually backfires and once again i doubt. never again will i say that i am already sure. well it's not entirely my fault. you can't ask me to stay decided on a certain thing when the circumstances tell you that it's not the best thing for you.

okay im going to compare this situation to..uhm..

aha..an internet service provider. (forgive the lame comparison i can't think of anything as of now :p) for example, i just signed up to this internet service provider (internet line) and at i'm quite happy with it--sometimes. sometimes the internet's really slow and it tends to piss me off. nagtotopak cya, to cut things straight. well i won't hesitate to have my internet line cut. after all, it's the ISP's loss. there are a lot more other internet service providers, a whole lot. believe me. i can change my mind.

you can't ask me to constantly complain about a certain thing just because i'm already decided on it and i can't change my mind. well guess what? I CAN STILL CHANGE MY MIND. now that it's still early. i don't want to suffer a hell lot and regret in the end. my mind's made up, not about that certain thing, but about letting go if it's the best choice to make. i'm not afraid. try me.